she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
