I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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