You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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