I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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