The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
