i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
