hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
