I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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