i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
