how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
