how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize