We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize