I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well you can't waste a boner
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.