there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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