whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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