Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
