is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.