Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!

  (315): View more from New York

  ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...

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  (518): WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?! (315): ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/j2jz
  Replies (19) Good night (1508) Bad night (4511)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.

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  (203): i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse. http://tfl.nu/mns9
  Replies (13) Good night (703) Bad night (4366)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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  (781): He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie. http://tfl.nu/a1e2
  Replies (12) Good night (3905) Bad night (899)
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  (925): View more from California

  We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?

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  (925): We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation? http://tfl.nu/efhg
  Replies (37) Good night (2823) Bad night (2611)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.

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  (903): Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week. http://tfl.nu/2lhm
  Replies (18) Good night (1140) Bad night (2584)
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  (707): View more from California

  It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.

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  (707): It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar. http://tfl.nu/oai9
  Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.

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  (419): Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/oeq7
  Replies (4) Good night (1215) Bad night (454)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.

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  (813): I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry. http://tfl.nu/1un5
  Replies (7) Good night (408) Bad night (1094)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know

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  (801): Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know http://tfl.nu/1og0
  Replies (2) Good night (685) Bad night (461)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver

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  (352): Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver http://tfl.nu/yics
  Replies (7) Good night (1149) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.

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  (660): On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics. http://tfl.nu/mn1y
  Replies (24) Good night (2753) Bad night (485)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.

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  (727): I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate. http://tfl.nu/o1ey
  Replies (5) Good night (1469) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (750): View more from

  Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."

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  (750): Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on." http://tfl.nu/43jv
  Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!

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  (817): Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude! http://tfl.nu/8kar
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans

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  (570): Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans http://tfl.nu/4qeg
  Replies (1) Good night (377) Bad night (702)

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