Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year