Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

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  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6932) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

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  (207): No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have. http://tfl.nu/1nc6
  Replies (51) Good night (1623) Bad night (3666)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.

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  (302): No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter. http://tfl.nu/zb71
  Replies (17) Good night (4137) Bad night (1249)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...

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  (416): he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun... http://tfl.nu/vbhp
  Replies (10) Good night (5585) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts

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  (508): Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts http://tfl.nu/tjd5
  Replies (15) Good night (3946) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.

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  (931): He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man. http://tfl.nu/ct9i
  Replies (31) Good night (7052) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

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  (980): when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space. http://tfl.nu/ayzt
  Replies (14) Good night (6217) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.

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  (609): I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments. http://tfl.nu/kh7m
  Replies (6) Good night (1615) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...

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  (508): I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ... http://tfl.nu/q441
  Replies (5) Good night (748) Bad night (2013)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.

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  (541): Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life. http://tfl.nu/7mk5
  Replies (18) Good night (856) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on

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  (315): Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on http://tfl.nu/taed
  Replies (1) Good night (825) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.

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  (804): I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there. http://tfl.nu/77p4
  Replies (9) Good night (967) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.

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  (586): Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever. http://tfl.nu/pbak
  Replies (1) Good night (504) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style

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  (310): He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style http://tfl.nu/izsf
  Replies (1) Good night (433) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.

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  (530): My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good. http://tfl.nu/am6d
  Replies (2) Good night (197) Bad night (132)

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