I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
