I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize