he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's the barista slut.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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