i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
