We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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