and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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