sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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