Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
