so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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