All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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