pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
