My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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