I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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