Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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