So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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