so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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