time to smoke my breakfast
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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