Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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