he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
