New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dick has a subreddit
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Someone signed my nipple.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
