You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
