why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
