Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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