I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
