i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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