I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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