You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
