I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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