nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
