oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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