Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
