Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
