we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
