She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
