It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
