I just cut my nipple shaving
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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