i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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