We need to rekindle our bromance
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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