The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
