they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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