Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
