is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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