Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
