i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
