Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
