dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
