I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
