That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
