Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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