i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
