I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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