If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
