Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't turn off my feet"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
