new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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