Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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