If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
