You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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