please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
