toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
