The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
